Poor Tommy is still getting jerked around (literally) by his evil father Joe Lee when finally, on the verge of being strangled to death, he fights back. Sorry Mickens family, but Tommy is just doing what viewers have wanted to do to you for two seasons. In another creepy wooded clearing, Marnie tells Jesus, Tara and Lafayette she was “taken over” by the spirit. The old “I-was-possessed” defense doesn’t work with vampires, Lafayette tells her in his Lafayette way. They abandon Marnie in the woods…because let’s face it, she’s boring while not possessed.
Arlene is convinced Rene’s “ghost hands” scrawled the creepy “baby not yours” on their living room wall, but that would assume that Rene was literate. Terry wants a preacher to come by to conduct an exorcism and cleanse the evil out of their nice little family. (Maybe when he leaves, Satan can take Arlene’s camouflaged faux Juicy Couture sweatsuit with him.) Sookie is sleeping soundly (don’t ask me how) when Eric creeps in to get a good look at her. That’s when Godric appears and proposes that the two of them go to town and drain Sookie. He tells Eric he’s damned and can’t be saved. How has Sookie not woken up yet? Oh, wait. It’s all a dream and Eric is safe in his cubby and ultra-long athletic shorts. The guy is 6’4”. How long do those basketball shorts have to be?
Jessica and Hoyt are nursing Jason back to health. Hoyt is so grateful Jessica saved his best friend’s life but now she’s acting all weird. She goes to bed and they have another passive aggressive Ronnie-Sam moment. I am now seeing the Bellefleur genes in Portia. Never mind that she’s a staunch defender of incest, but she really doesn’t know when to take a hint. After she tries to seduce Bill he glamors her, like any great-great-great-great grandfather would do. Sookie assures the utterly lovable Eric that he’s not evil. They cuddle and she gently strokes his hair exchanging sweet stories about Godric. She lets him spend the night in her bed as long as he promises not to hurt her. Poor disfigured Pam whose face is rotting off by the second wants permission from King Bill to torture and kill Marnie. But he’s way too law abiding for that. He suggests some cosmetic surgery, perhaps extra lipstick? Jesus and Lafayette are going to Mexico to stay with Jesus’s granddaddy who is a grand brujo. Tara says she’s going back to N’Orleans. Please, go Tara, don’t look back! Jesus tells a story about a childhood birthday present. His grandfather gave him a goat. But this is no pet goat. Grandpa then made him sacrifice it and lick the blood off his knife. (I was thinking a tres leches cake would’ve been more appropriate, but this is Jesus we’re talking about.) And still Lafayette who gets the Stupid Award this episode, agrees to go to Mexico with the guy. Tara’s girlfriend finds some mail with her real name and is not happy. Maybe no N’Orleans after all? Tommy stops by Sam’s trailer with their parents’ corpses in the back of his van. Oh, so now you appreciate your brother, Tommy, huh?
At Merlotte’s Jason is opening up about his rape to Hoyt. He reckons dozens of women forced themselves on him. Hoyt interrupts to confide that Jessica seems distant…because when your best friend is confiding in you about a traumatic rape and kidnapping, the best thing to do is to turn it back to yourself and your moody girlfriend. Jason hears it’s a full moon and freaks out a little. Jury is still out on whether he’s going to become panther-man. Sookie, serving eggs with aplomb, suddenly realizes her brother hasn’t been around for a few days. Terry and Arlene let Tara’s mom (now the preacher’s wife) and Rev. Daniels in to exorcise the baby.
Sookie wanders into the Moon Goddess Emporium and begs Marnie for a reading. Suddenly, Sookie’s beloved Granny communicates through Marnie. She tells Sookie to run like the wind. Tommy is having a breakdown over possibly bludgeoning to death his terrible parents who, let’s face it, deserved it. Then, Andy Bellefleur, the most incompetent cop in the history of TV cops, shows up. In a fantastic twist, Tommy has shifted into a terrifying live alligator. (I almost jumped back with Andy…which reinforces my opinion that CGI is nothing compared to the, well, bite of a real-life Hollywood animal. Remember the first time we saw that panther? The wolves last season? It’s all better than one digitally-enhanced fairy creature. Thoughts?) Bill’s armed forces come in and arrest Marnie. Tara confesses to Sookie that she has a girlfriend and lied about her identity in New Orleans. Sookie tells her to just be honest and fight for the relationship—as she lies through her teeth about Eric living downstairs. He comes out of the shadows all mopey and vulnerable. Tara freaks out, calls Sookie a hypocrite and ticks off all of the old Eric’s previous sins. (Yes, he locked Lafayette in a basement but was he really that evil?)
King Bill interrogates Marnie (who hallucinates that she’s back in 16th century Spain) through a combination of Skype and an air-conditioning vent. He tells her to reverse the spells she cast on Pam’s face and to help him locate Eric. Of course, Marnie has no idea how to un-cast the spells since she didn’t cast them in the first place. (What is with Bill’s unfortunate choice in ties?) Please, Marnie, un-cast the spell on Pam because she used to be so pleasant to look at and now she is all Latex and Halloween makeup and it’s killing us. Jesus’s grandfather looks kinda like a homeless person but he speaks perfect English. Que bueno! A weird biker dude shows up at Alcide’s house. It’s the Shreveport werewolf welcome committee. The town’s pack master isn’t happy that Alcide hasn’t registered with the pack, and it doesn’t look like he’s going to, at least not voluntarily. Tommy and Sam undergo the brotherly task of disposing of their parents’ bodies in a swamp. Let’s just hope they’re really dead, Tommy, and move on. In an effort to console his brother, Sam confesses that he’s killed two people. And now we learn the little-known fact that alligators love marshmallows. Farewell Mickens family.
Arlene and Terry are getting busy in white satin sheets. They’re making street pillow talk and we just know something creepy, terrible and probably life-threatening is about to happen. As they cuddle, a matchbook on a nearby dresser just lights itself. Jason wakes up with Jessica on top of him (or at least dreams she’s on top of him). You would think gang rape would’ve turned Jason off of wet dreams, at least for a while, but he can’t help it after drinking so much of Jessica’s blood. All of the sudden Hoyt is on top of Jason. He wakes up in a sweat. (Can we all start saying “Oh my gravy!”?). Eric now knows what a bad seed he was. Sookie says she always knew there was decency in him. (Um, really?) She says she knows in her heart that he’s changed and she likes the new Eric. They hug it out. And then finally, our girl Sookie heeds our plea and embraces Eric body, mind and, yes, body.
Bill meets with some vampires to discuss the worsening witch situation. Necromancy is a rare but real phenomenon, they say. During the Spanish Inquisition, La Girona, Spain, a sorceress named Antonia was being burned at the stake. She cast a spell to wake up all the vampires within a 20 mile radius. Vampire priests and nuns came out into daylight and burned. Vampires used to maintain covers in powerful establishments like the Catholic Church. Today, Bill says, it’s Google, Fox News. Pam gets all huffy. Even with half her mouth decayed off she manages to say too much. She tells Bill that Marnie erased Eric’s memory and blabs that he’s staying at Sookie’s house. Bill rushes over with jealous rage in his eyes.
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